A Child Placed

From the moment your coming was announced, you only knew love. You were only with us for a brief three days, but you will be in my heart for the rest of my life. You were surrounded by enough love to fill a lifetime. My arms are empty but my heart is full. Adoption means in the Bible “a child placed.” Truly God lead me in the selection of your adoptive parents. I want you to know that I love you, you touched my life and I will never be the same. I do not understand, but I trust.

I just found out that I’m pregnant and I have no idea what to do or think. The baby is due in January 1990, the 13th to be exact. I still have another three semesters at the University of West Virginia before I can graduate. What am I going to do? What will my parents, Ray and Jackie, say?

You are loved by your birth mother and your grandparents. I thank the Lord for my parents. My mom and I have gotten very close through this and I’m thankful for that. Many girls in my situation don’t have parental support, and so I’m thankful for my loving, giving parents.

What will Dennis think? Will he want anything to do with the child I carry inside of me? Will he want to marry me? Would I even consider marrying him? What if he wants me to abort? Should I raise my tiny, beautiful baby girl or give her up? How is this going to affect the remainder of all of our lives?

For some reason God wanted you to be formed with the genes from Dennis and I. God is the Father and He will be your Father. I know this is His will. He is the Creator, the Father, and He allowed you to be created, and I believe that He will be your Father and that He will watch over you just as He has watched over me and kept me strong.

Well, he decided he wanted nothing to do with the baby or me once he found out. I just don’t get it. He doesn’t know what he’s missing. I’ve decided to give you up for adoption through Bethany Christian Services. Three days after your birth, they will place you in a foster home until Dennis agrees to sign the papers allowing your adoption into a wonderful family that I have lovingly picked out from among Bethany’s registry.

Dennis signed the papers on February 26th. I’m so thankful that Dennis cooperated so willingly. I just cannot understand his disinterest in knowing about you, what you look like, etc. His own flesh and blood, his first child, and he has no idea what a beautiful little girl you are. I suppose that disassociating himself from you and me is his way of dealing with it—pretending that you don’t exist and that I don’t either.

The adoption is to be closed. For my baby’s first year I will receive monthly photos and notes from her adoptive mother via Bethany Christian Services. After that, I won’t hear anything until she turns eighteen—and even that is indefinite. I am writing her a letter that Bethany will mail her on her eighteenth birthday. I will explain why I gave her up, tell her how much I love her, and let her know how to get in touch with me if ever she feels she wants to.

It doesn’t seem fair at times that I won’t know anything for 18 years. But, would it be fair to you to grow up in a single parent home? No. It is so hard to remind myself to be selfless not selfish! God led me to place you with your family. The decision to give you to your parents and brother was a very difficult and painful decision to make. It was a decision made only after many hours of prayer, counsel, and long thought. You are not a child “left on a doorstep” by any means. The decision to give you up for adoption was not a financial decision, rather, it was a decision made out of love for you and based on God’s will. I had to give you the best chance I could possibly give you in this life and that chance involved being reared by two loving parents, not just one. I do not understand, but I trust that God has a special plan for you. You are in my thoughts and prayers daily, not only for your welfare, but also I pray that one day we will be reunited. Until that reunion, however, I commit you to God’s care, for He can care for you as no one else can.